Slipping Into Something a Little More Comfortable

I will never forget the first time I cried in a dressing room. I was 18 years old, overweight and painfully awkward, shopping for a dress for my prom I desperately wanted to skip. My high school years were nothing like the ones in the movies. I was not exactly popular, and I felt more like a 40 year old woman trapped inside a teenager’s body. My focus was my career – even back then – and I wanted nothing to do with senior ski trips or cheerleading squads. I passed on most school activities (including class) because I’d rather intern at the record label I worked at or stay home working on my music fanzine.

I went shopping for my prom dress with my mom and my aunt. We must have went to 10 stores that day, and each one was a more miserable experience than the next. I remember feeling so uncomfortable in my own skin. I hated everything – my arms, my belly, my thighs. I wound up in a long, A-line black satin dress. I despised it, but it was the most decent thing I could find that actually fit. The entire experience of shopping for that dress was humiliating, and it wasn’t the last time I cried while trying on clothes.

My weight haunted me throughout my entire life. I was always battling an extra 20 or 30 pounds, and through all my fad diets, all the insane things I did to keep the pounds off (like chew my food and spit it out before actually swallowing it), I could just never get thin. And aside from dealing with the obvious inconveniences of being overweight (feeling totally gross naked, being slower than most, panicking over getting your ass to fit on a small chair), I also faced one major issue for a girl who lives for fashion: nothing ever fit or felt good on me.

I can’t even begin to count the hours I have spent obsessing over the way I look in clothing. Calling out sick from work because everything in my closet was too tight. Canceling dates because I couldn’t bear to see myself spilling out of a pair of jeans and what if the date went well and he maybe had to see me in a bra? Avoiding beaches like the plague because the thought of putting on a bathing suit made me nauseous.

Fortunately throughout the years, I have done a massive amount of work on my mindset around my body image. I learned that loving my body, right now, exactly as it it, was the most important thing I could do for myself. Even if I didn’t love the way I looked in my jeans. I learned that my size did not define me. But still, deep down, I knew I was overweight. And I also knew that the older I got, if I remained overweight, I’d be at greater and greater risk for illness and disease. And if I am totally transparent – I just wanted to be able to walk into a damn store and pick a dress off the rack and feel fabulous in it. Was that so wrong?

Despite all of these desires to want to get healthier and feel better in my own skin, I still wasn’t making it happen. Here I was, at 38 years old, with a massively successful career, yet I couldn’t lose the weight.

Until I realized – I could.

You can read up on the new mindful nutrition plan I have been following for the past two and a half months here. It has been absolutely life-altering. I’ve lost 16 pounds so far, and although I have about 30 more to go, I feel incredible. My energy is through the roof. I feel in control of my health. I’m having a blast creating new recipes and finally learning how to eat to maximize energy and weight loss. And guess what? I’m eating a TON of food. This plan is all about feeling good. It’s the first nutrition program to incorporate mindset work and address emotional eating which, let’s be real, is the cause of most weight gain. And to top it all off, I’ve co-created an online community of 500+ women who are also following the program and it’s literally become my favorite place on the internet.

The other day, I decided I’d treat myself to some new clothes to celebrate my progress so far. Again, total transparency: I have been living in black leggings and sweatshirts for the past two years. I have been hiding. I can’t remember the last time I wore jeans. I love to wear all black, but not every single day. But I convinced myself it was my “look” because frankly, I didn’t like the way I looked in color. I thought I was more comfortable in leggings every day. Yet ironically, it was the complete opposite. I was more uncomfortable than ever. Because all I was doing was hiding the body I was clearly not taking care of.

So I went online, took a deep breath, and ordered a bunch of tops that I wasn’t quite sure would actually fit. I figured at best, I could save them until I lost a little more weight. You guys, everything arrived today, and not only did it all fit – it looked fabulous. I may have shed a happy tear (a far cry from all those days sobbing in dressing rooms) because I finally feel good. I finally feel like I’ve found something real. This isn’t my first weight loss rodeo. But this is the first time I have lost weight in a healthy, sustainable way, and I know, without a shadow of a doubt, I will keep it off forever. This is the first time I have the right tools and the mindset to create my healthiest dream body. It’s all happening. In living color.

Okay, enough feelings. Let’s talk clothes. Here’s a peek at some of the new pieces I got (everything below is from Alice + Olivia, my new obsession). I can’t wait to wear them!

If you shook your head YES to any of this post, chances are we’re soul sisters. I’d love to help you break free from the bullshit stories you are most likely telling yourself about why you can’t look and feel good. I know them so well because I told them to myself for a long, long time. Shoot me an email at and let’s talk. I’d love to share more information about the nutrition plan I’m on and have you join me in Rebel Body Babes where I’m dishing out daily support, check-ins, recipes, and more to the 500+ women in our tribe. Because everything is better with sisters. <3

With love (and a major Amex bill this month – lol),


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Showing 2 comments
  • Coby

    Very inspiring. Love your aesthetic. I need a mirrored TV tray now. Love all the clothes too. xoxo

  • Charlotte

    Honestly this post could have been written by me…. the major difference being that I pretended that I had no interest in going to my prom and refused to go because I was 1. Dying of self esteem issues because of 2. the bullies at school! I wouldn’t mind but I actually wasn’t overweight at the time but it’s fuelled a lifetime of baggage that I now do hold in an excess 30lbs! I’m equally very successful in all other areas of my life…. but a lump free ass isn’t one of them! Here’s to it not defining the future…. *cheers*

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