Asking Yourself the Hard Questions and Embracing Your Truth as a Woman in Business
If you’ve been keeping up with the blog, listening to the last few podcasts, or been following along on my Instagram, I have been sharing my weight loss journey with you guys in a very raw and vulnerable way. I’ve shared that I’ve lost weight before – this is not my first rodeo. I have lost and gained probably the same 20 or 30 pounds most of my life. I joined Weight Watchers when I was 11 and I’ve been on some kind of tortuous diet pretty much ever since then. I am no stranger to the game. However, as I’ve recently said, it’s different this time. I’ve lost 21 pounds since starting my new mindful nutrition program in May and I truly feel like a new woman.
I’ve lost these 21 pounds in the middle of a book launch, in the middle of life, in the middle of travel, in the middle of all that stuff. But more importantly, besides the weight coming off, my whole aura is elevated. I’ve lost weight and gained an entirely new vibe. I’m happier. More positive. More empowered. If you look at this Instagram post, I shared a side-by-side comparison of where I was on April 13th of this year and where I was on June 15th of this year, which is a two month difference. And it’s incredible to see what a massive transformation has occurred within that time frame. The first noticeable change is in my body, clearly. It is evident that I was totally trashing my body back in April. I was drinking every single day. If I took a day off from drinking it was probably because I was hung over. (I’m being totally real here). I was drinking wine every single night. It may not have been a bottle of wine, but it was easily a glass or two. I was partying on the weekends because I was working so hard during the week, and ironically work felt so much harder because I usually had some kind of mild hangover from a few glasses the night before. I was going nuts on the weekend and partying and drinking way more than a bottle of wine because I was working so hard during the week and that was my “reward.” That reward continued till 3 o’clock in the morning most weekends, where I’d go get pizza or whatever other crap I could find in my drunken haze. Again – being totally real.
And I was sad. And when you look at that picture of me you can see the sadness. You can see the frustration. You can see how uncomfortable I am in my own body and most importantly, in my own mind. If I have ever understood the connection between mind and body, it’s now. It’s been something that has eluded me for so long, and for so long it’s bothered me that I have been able to accomplish every other goal that I set out to accomplish in my life. Everything! Topping bestseller lists, getting dream clients, landing opportunities, getting on live TV, being in magazines, making more money in one month than I used to make in an entire year.
I have been able to accomplish everything, but developing a healthy relationship with food was just not one of them for the longest time until now. I didn’t think I would find freedom around weight loss and around getting to a healthy weight. And I really want to stress the healthy weight part. Of course, I want to be able to slip into a pair of size 6 jeans. I mean, who doesn’t? I think we all want to feel great in our bodies. But that’s not my driving factor here. My driving factor is first and foremost, my health. I’m 38 years old. I’m going to be 40 in less than two years. Our risk for disease does not get lower as we get older and gain more and more weight. So that was something that I had to get honest about. I want to maintain my good health and become even healthier as I age. Frankly, I don’t think a lot of women are thinking about that, let alone planning for it.
I had to also be honest with myself about the fact that I have been hiding. I was hiding in clothes, I was hiding behind wine, I was hiding behind food, I was even hiding behind my work. You can’t make something run efficiently if some part of that thing is broken. If you’re driving a brand new beautiful Mercedes and everything looks great on the outside but a major part of that car breaks down, like a muffler or something, it’s kind of worthless, right? That was a terrible analogy, I don’t even drive, I don’t even own a car. Do we need mufflers? I think so. I live in Manhattan, what do I know?
Anyway, for the longest time the connection between my body and my mind felt off, it felt like it wasn’t aligned. It felt like there was just something missing. There was something wrong. There was something I didn’t feel that I had control over, until now.
So how does this fit into business? My husband said to me the other day, “You’re sharing a lot about your weight loss and your health journey on your podcast and on your Instagram and the blog. Do you think your audience is responding well to that? I think you should just keep mixing in your other stuff, just to be safe”. I looked at him and said “Ryan, I appreciate that and thank you for your input. But I don’t post anything to attract an audience.” The content that you ladies see me putting out is not to make money, not to get followers, not to attract an audience. I post to share what I’m discovering about myself, in the hopes that maybe it will help you discover something in yourself. My focus has always been, and will always be, adding value, but I need to do it in a way that’s authentic to me. I have to post passionately, or not post at all. There is no in-between for me. I can’t remain on a loop that’s not reflective of my own evolution and my own vibration, just to keep other people comfortable who may like to see quotes about business or who may like to see poetry, or who may like to see like fashion or clothes or outfits of the day, or whatever it is that initially drew them into my world.
So I just want to thank you guys for bearing with me as I unlock this next level of growth for myself and I put it all out there, because you do stick around and you do come join me on these crazy journeys, and I think it does inspire a lot of you. And for those of you that it doesn’t, maybe you don’t have to lose weight, maybe this is not something you’ve ever struggled with, I understand if you need to check out for a little while and maybe follow someone else or listen to another podcast, but this is where I’m at and it’s my truth and I can’t apologize for my truth, I can only live my truth and share my truth. And I’m 1000% committed to my own wellness and I have every faith in the world that it will inspire you to look within and commit to yours in some way, shape or form. Maybe it’s not the food, maybe it’s the alcohol, maybe it’s needing to put yourself first and focus on self-care.
In addition to becoming more intentional about my nutrition, I’ve really scaled back on drinking, too. I’ve had wine one night out of the past 22 nights, and I feel awesome. I have come to realize that life is just so f’ing good with energy and vitality, and most importantly – with the guts to be honest with myself. So this is me, stripped down, ripping off the Band-Aids, and showing up in a new way, and I feel unstoppable. So whatever your truth is, if you’re in business and you’ve been afraid to put it out there or if your truth is something you’ve been afraid to confront within yourself, I encourage you to face it. I encourage you to ask yourself “What am I holding back on? What am I denying? What am I not really fully looking at? What have I not given all of my attention and all of my focus and all of my energy to?” Because there’s usually something that we’re burying deep down that we don’t want to face, and I really hope that my journey and my story and everything that I’m putting out there can inspire you to ask yourself that question and have the courage to answer it.