Why You Must Become Your Own BFF

In the words of the ever-fabulous DVF, “When a woman becomes her own best friend, life is easier.”

When is the last time you dined by yourself at a gorgeous restaurant? Took yourself to a museum exhibit? Sat at a swanky hotel bar and had a dirty martini alone while listening to a live jazz band? Journaled on the beach?

If you’re anything like me, you are a total giver. You love being there for everyone. You have close friends and family who depend on you for support and nurturing energy. But all of that giving can do a number on you if you’re not refilling your own champagne flute, so to speak.

There is something so incredibly rejuvenating about spending time with yourself. It’s a surefire way to improve your life and your work. Yes, girl time is important. And so are dates with your significant other (or that special someone you’ve just met off Tinder), but nothing compares to time by yourself.

The problem is, most of us just aren’t doing it enough.

I’ve met countless women who are petrified of being alone – I’m talking petrified. When I encourage them to “date” themselves, they typically greet me with a myriad of excuses: they feel like everyone will stare at them, they’re afraid to be alone with their thoughts, they don’t have the time, they feel like they’ll look too fat, too weird, too lonely. After some gentle prodding (read: ass kicking), I can usually get them to agree to spending at least some time with themselves. And guess what? Every single woman who does it becomes hooked. Their responses are usually along the lines of:

“Wow that was so liberating!”

“Holy sh*t, that was relaxing”

“I seriously just got so many ideas for my business!”

“I have never felt more creative”

“Why didn’t I do that sooner?”

Women who spend time alone report feeling more feminine, getting new ideas for their businesses, feeling more gratitude for their lives in general, and feeling calmer. I know I have personally generated some of my most creative ideas while taking myself on a solo date and sipping on a coffee or a glass of wine. In fact, I wrote most of Girl Code in my mind while spinning alone in my SoulCycle classes.

I try to incorporate a solo date into my routine at least once a week, even if its just 30 minutes. I schedule it into my calendar and treat it just like any other appointment. Even if I’m extremely busy, I make time for it, because I know how fulfilled I feel afterward. Depending on my budget and time, I’ll do anything from going for a bike ride, to getting a glass of champagne by myself at The Plaza, if I’m feeling extra fancy!

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This weekend, I want you to give this a whirl. And I don’t mean running up to the supermarket alone in sweatpants and no makeup. I want you to plan something special for you and only you. I want you to wear an outfit that makes you feel amazing (tutus are totally encouraged!), blow out your hair, spritz on your favorite perfume, and take yourself on a full-fledged date. You don’t have to spend a fortune, either.

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Here are a few ideas:

  1. Take yourself out to breakfast or lunch
  2. Go to an open mic night (you don’t have to perform, just listen!)
  3. Go to the beach alone and journal
  4. Find a fabulous hotel bar and take yourself out for champagne
  5. Go for a massage
  6. Go to a comedy show
  7. Visit a museum
  8. Take a dance class
  9. Take yourself out for a shopping date and ask the store for a personal shopper (pro tip: they are usually free at places like Saks and Nordstrom and they will help you find new things you would have probably never picked!)

And if you’re feeling brazen, snap a photo and post it on Instagram. Use the hashtag #TheChampagneDiet so I can see!

Happy planning!

photos are from my personal shoot with April Belle Photography

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Showing 7 comments
  • Emily @ My Little Lasik
    Reply

    Can't wait for this to happen!

  • Aj
    Reply

    More affirmation that I seriously need to do this. I always intend to but always come up with excuses, smh. Thanks for sharing!

    • caraalwill
      Reply

      You are so welcome! xo

  • Dronile
    Reply

    I have been thinking of spending more time with myself! Your post couldn’t have come at a better time! Love this!

  • Debbie
    Reply

    I love this idea!.. Im usually really good at dating myself but have let it slide lately. im inspired to hit the beach and journal this weekend, even if it is a rainy day πŸ™‚ thank you! xoxo

  • Syteria
    Reply

    OMG! Thanks so much for this!

  • Brisse Diaz
    Reply

    I’m a total giver too…! I know how it feels when you’re the “move-a-body friend for evey single person and there’s none for you…:-( I never expect to receive anything back and I thought it was Ok! But now is different, I’m really boomed by this… I’m in a process to unlearn and some how shift from my giving nature to giving to myself and let go. Is much more satisfying and rewarding. Discovering a lot… Thanks Cara πŸ™ŒπŸ»πŸ™ŒπŸ»

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